Overcoming Fear of Rejection
Tuesday, September 7th, 2010 at
2:54 pm
Author: Katherine Bouglai
Title: Overcoming Fear of Rejection
Article: Copyright (c) 2010 Katherine BouglaiFear of rejection comes up in all areas of our life, career move, your work reviews, buying a house, making new friends and of course dating and romance. As I can't possibly talk about all of them in this article, as a singles coach I will primarily focus on the subject of dating and searching for love. I will also leave the subject of long term relationship breakups for another article in the future. Let's talk about what happens when someone you're dating or have been dating for a period of less than 3 month ends it with you. How can you deal with the pain, frustration and disappointment in the most loving way to yourself and how can you not let this incident stop you or slow you down in your ultimate search of love.We all know and heard it many times that when someone turns us down it is not personal and it is not about us. However, we all get hurt, disappointed and take it personally anyways. Just because we know the truth about rejection, doesn't mean our feelings don't get involved when it happens. Rejection is like an insect bite, first there is an immediate affect of pain in the moment - disappointment of not getting what you were hoping for. You can dwell on that pain for a while, scratching at your wound or you can let it pass by quickly and forget about it half an hour later. Then there is a short term effect - itching and scratching at your wound: "How could she do this to me?" "Who does he think he is?" The most damaging effect however is the long term effect which is fear of getting back out there. Because we don't want to deal with the same pain again, we do all we possibly can to avoid it in the future. As this may be quite a logical defense mechanism, it keeps us small and alone preventing us from reaching our goals and dreams. In order to transform our entire experience around dating and fears of rejection we really need to reprogram ourselves. In other words change our views around it.First of all, it is very important to deal with your feelings in the moment. Our mind may tell us that it is unreasonable to get hurt this much over something this little. We may tell ourselves that we're blowing it completely out of proportion. The truth is, however, that there is no such thing as invalid or unreasonable feelings. Each hurt feeling carries a lesson for us to learn about ourselves and until we learn this lesson we will get hurt with the same thing over and over again. The more we nurture our feelings the more empowered we become. It is also crucial to have someone you can trust and talk to about these things. Sometimes it can be a friend or a relative we're close to. The last thing you want at this point is somebody who would dismiss your feelings and tell you to get over it. Many times it is hard to have someone in your life who can help you deal with your feelings appropriately in a nurturing way. Besides, you don't want to overwhelm your friends with your problems and become too dependent on them. That is why hiring a singles coach would be a good idea. A singles coach like myself is specifically trained to help you deal with pain of rejection and disappointment when they come up and guide you towards moving forward with your goals.The long term effect of rejection can last up to several years or even affect you for the rest of your life if you let it. As I mentioned earlier, avoiding pain means avoiding learning our important lessons about life. This means you have to be willing to go through the pain and deal with it if you have to. Bottom line is, whether you have ended the relationship yourself or was broken up with by the other person, the relationship wasn't right for you in the first place. If you feel like you were rejected for some kind of imperfection you have, then maybe the lesson you have to learn is to love yourself and accept this imperfection. Katherine Bouglai Singles Coach www.coaching4singles.com
Syndication Source: ThoughtSearch.com
Title: Overcoming Fear of Rejection
Article: Copyright (c) 2010 Katherine BouglaiFear of rejection comes up in all areas of our life, career move, your work reviews, buying a house, making new friends and of course dating and romance. As I can't possibly talk about all of them in this article, as a singles coach I will primarily focus on the subject of dating and searching for love. I will also leave the subject of long term relationship breakups for another article in the future. Let's talk about what happens when someone you're dating or have been dating for a period of less than 3 month ends it with you. How can you deal with the pain, frustration and disappointment in the most loving way to yourself and how can you not let this incident stop you or slow you down in your ultimate search of love.We all know and heard it many times that when someone turns us down it is not personal and it is not about us. However, we all get hurt, disappointed and take it personally anyways. Just because we know the truth about rejection, doesn't mean our feelings don't get involved when it happens. Rejection is like an insect bite, first there is an immediate affect of pain in the moment - disappointment of not getting what you were hoping for. You can dwell on that pain for a while, scratching at your wound or you can let it pass by quickly and forget about it half an hour later. Then there is a short term effect - itching and scratching at your wound: "How could she do this to me?" "Who does he think he is?" The most damaging effect however is the long term effect which is fear of getting back out there. Because we don't want to deal with the same pain again, we do all we possibly can to avoid it in the future. As this may be quite a logical defense mechanism, it keeps us small and alone preventing us from reaching our goals and dreams. In order to transform our entire experience around dating and fears of rejection we really need to reprogram ourselves. In other words change our views around it.First of all, it is very important to deal with your feelings in the moment. Our mind may tell us that it is unreasonable to get hurt this much over something this little. We may tell ourselves that we're blowing it completely out of proportion. The truth is, however, that there is no such thing as invalid or unreasonable feelings. Each hurt feeling carries a lesson for us to learn about ourselves and until we learn this lesson we will get hurt with the same thing over and over again. The more we nurture our feelings the more empowered we become. It is also crucial to have someone you can trust and talk to about these things. Sometimes it can be a friend or a relative we're close to. The last thing you want at this point is somebody who would dismiss your feelings and tell you to get over it. Many times it is hard to have someone in your life who can help you deal with your feelings appropriately in a nurturing way. Besides, you don't want to overwhelm your friends with your problems and become too dependent on them. That is why hiring a singles coach would be a good idea. A singles coach like myself is specifically trained to help you deal with pain of rejection and disappointment when they come up and guide you towards moving forward with your goals.The long term effect of rejection can last up to several years or even affect you for the rest of your life if you let it. As I mentioned earlier, avoiding pain means avoiding learning our important lessons about life. This means you have to be willing to go through the pain and deal with it if you have to. Bottom line is, whether you have ended the relationship yourself or was broken up with by the other person, the relationship wasn't right for you in the first place. If you feel like you were rejected for some kind of imperfection you have, then maybe the lesson you have to learn is to love yourself and accept this imperfection. Katherine Bouglai Singles Coach www.coaching4singles.com
Syndication Source: ThoughtSearch.com
